I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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