Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
