i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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