Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
