i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
