So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
