Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
