they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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