I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
