I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
