i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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