Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
