Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
