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shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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