can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
