Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
