I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
