Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
