Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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