FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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