matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
