We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
