was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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