All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
