Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He shit in the fireplace
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
