My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
