I got chris browned last night
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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