Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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