You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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