i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
