Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
