Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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