I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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