If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
