You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
