yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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