but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
