Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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