just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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