he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
