I'm gonna have a badass scar
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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