4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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