Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
