This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
