do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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