where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just want to make out with him forever
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
