I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
