Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
