she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
