god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
